Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
