Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
