All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
