I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
