Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
