Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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