??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
