I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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