Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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