It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
