they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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