we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
