he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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