He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
