what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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