this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
