you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
