I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
