I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
