i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
