i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
