My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
