I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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