if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
