It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have post one night stand depression
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