John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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