im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
