You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
jump out the window naked night went bad
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
