They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
