8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
