peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
