and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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