Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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