she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
