as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
