I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
