she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
