I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Couch. On fire.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
