You just made me feel so damn special
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
