I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
