you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
