Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
