your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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