i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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