Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
