mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
