..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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