Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dear god my vagina.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
