in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm bleeding and have questions
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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