Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
