I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
