I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
